Feels guilty not going to work… But then again… Feel happy/relieved I dont have to go to work… why is that so? I dunno… Lets just hope it’s the cny atmosphere… Let’s just hope that it’s this that’s making me not want to go to work…
Let’s just hope…
What’s wrong with me?
I dunno…
Why do I torture myself?
I dunno…
Why does it hurt sometimes?
I dunno…
When will I get over this?
I dunno…
What’s wrong with me?
I dunno…
That’s life…
P.s. just a thought… Who would attend my funeral if I died?
Haven’t watch the movie.. Will I watch it? *shrugs*
But just listening to the song… Brought about 莫名的感伤… Why like that? I dunno?
与其说＂想回到那些年错过的时光＂
不如珍惜眼前的幸福…
I think humans… Sigh.. Just should not take things for granted…
Someone reminded me of this dao li today… Do things u wanna do while u can… Because you’ll never know when everything becomes impossible…
So… I guess I shall do whatever I wanna and not think so much anymore? Then I’ll say that I’m crazy…
But then again… Sometimes being too sensible can be irritating… I guess this quality of mine can’t be removed that easily…
But am I really sensible?
Do I wanna be sensible?
Maybe I should just do it right? I need to start somewhere…
I so should just make up my mind and get on with it.. XD
I don’t think any of my readers would get it… And I’m sure it’s not what u think it is… Oh well..
Just wait for the answer to be revealed… Still thinking if I should do it or not… But seriously… Really got so many ppl reading my blog? Lol…
Whatever~
Sleepy~
feeling weird but can’t do anything bout it…
Bye~
I guess i’ve been posting protected blog post too often… so i shall do 1 that is not protected… XD
Oh well… as usual.. ranting.. or rather.. everytime i feel like blogging, i type in the add.. wait for it to load and all.. and by the time i’m typing.. i forgot what i want to type about… so end up typing some random things first before the feel comes back.. lol.. XD
i should be sleeping now.. but i dont know.. just feel a bit angry? should i feel angry? or frustrated.. ya.. maybe frustrated.. i need the sleep but it takes up too much time.. so much time that my off day just pass in a flash.. i cant do much, cant help it but affect the fact and move on.
Is that why maybe i always get these feelings when i have to return to work after my off day? rest time is never enough.. and working according to timetable… i just hate being restricted… i know i know.. isnt it too fast for me to be saying this already.. its only 1 month…
maybe i just dont like the people i’m working with…
maybe i’m just like this because i’m not well…
maybe i’m just like this because i see too little of my family members..
maybe i’m just like this because…
but its still amazing to me to feel like this now and enjoy talking to ppl next…
then the cycle returns… a bit split personality right? so much so that sometimes i just cant keep up…
but i guess its the job that makes me want to go back studying about humans…
but what will that bring me to?
cant understand myself yet i want to understand others… i guess seeing from the third person’s perspective is still clearer…
ok.. i already dont know what i’m typing already… signal: i need to sleep now…
but then again.. i’ve been in this lapse of brainlessness recently.. i’m pretty afraid that i might turn into a bimbo.. or the kind of typical girls i hate… i starting to read again.. but then.. reading.. i’m not really thinking much.. then no one at work to discuss about humans and then human’s mind with (not that i have the energy to…) SEE! i always use this as an excuse… because i have to be on my toes for the whole day at work and thinking of how to handle customers and thinking of the possible product available etc etc i dont have the energy after work to think about cheem topics.. and slowly.. my brain deteriorates to a degree that i cant even spell deteriorates and have to use spell check (not that my spelling is great in the first place)
but.. u get my point.. the brain.. is just like a gear. When not used for too long, it will rust and stop moving… i think mine is already in the “getting rusty” stage…
maybe why this blog post started is all because of my frustration in my lack of brain activity… + no life because of work…
i think i have the personality that does not allow me to stay in a fixed environment for long. although i’m pretty much seeing different ppl everyday… it all blurs and everyone becomes the same… because once again… all that they ask IS the same…
i’m think only those hilarious conversation during break time with the group of OOC peeps keeps me sane…
I hate hypocrites, fake smiles and polite conversation… i’m in a world where everything is behind this mask of smiles.. no wonder i hate clowns… cause the smile is painted on… and all you see is that superficial smile and you’ll never know what the person is thinking about…
i’m being sadistic and waiting to be wounded by the daggers flying around… maybe when i’m in the warzone myself… then my real test begins… i’ll never know how double face i can become until i’m thrown into that situation.. and me being me.. will hate myself for it… because i already sense the beginning of that… maybe when it comes to that day… i’ll know that its time to quit…
i’ve said that i’ll leave when i learnt enough… i’ve learnt a lot already during the one month stay.. but i guess what i really want to learn… is from the people.. i guess this is what everyone call life experience…
oh well…
it boils down to taking a step at a time.. we’ll see how things goes… we’ll see we’ll see…
maybe one day when i come to hate seeing people.. i’ll know why… oh well.. time to rest and recharge.. but i seriously hope there is a pill to cure illness instantly… hope to not have the sniffles tmr…
time to sleep!
bye~
Why am I typing a blog post on the bus? Lol… Just feel… Maybe a bit too overwhelmed.. Too much info… Hearing things from so many new ppl… I think my brain is in overdrive…
But it just dawned on me today… That when I’m here listening to lessons about the skin… Products and my friends are out there learning psychology… But sometimes I think… I’m applying my own knowledge of psychology on my daily life as well… It becomes something so natural to me… Maybe I won’t be giving myself he chance to go on and learn more… But whatever I learnt in pcs? It’s surely applicable in my daily life.
Not that I’m quoting theories now and then (well sometimes I do feel like doing it XD) but… Small nitty gritties…. Things and actions that leads me to think and use my psycho knowledge… So… Does psychology actually make u a better sales person unconsciously? Maybe? Maybe not? Or maybe to just all common sense.. Lol…
But why am I writing such a reflective post? I dunno… Maybe it’s because I’ve got chosen to ‘present’ a sales role play today… Or maybe because I hear the stories from the foreigners in my class talk about their lives.. About them coming to Singapore to work.. And me realizing that maybe they are just not bad like what the other Singaporeans say they are.. Or maybe just listening to then i realize that racism, stereotypes, prejudices are just human nature… No one taught them to think like that… Isn’t that a human nature?
Then my next question is why? I guess it can never be answered… Let’s just e selfish over here and let me hope that no such human problems will happen for me… Let everything be alright… Sometimes surviving is the key right? Since this is why I wanna do.. I’m gonna do it right…
Oh well… random note… Should I let my brain rest and cram in the train tmr? I’m feeling lazy… Hehe XD
Bye~
I’ve got nothing to do on the train… Don’t really wanna look at humans for a while… I guess I only get tired after I sit down and rest… Lol… No good…
Basically… First half of the day sucked big time… I almost cried when eating lunch la!!! Maybe because I hated the confusion… So much that I missed DiD… The times where I know what I’m doing and am in charge… Really hated being helpless… Alone…
After that… Realized I gotta work… Pretty much thrown into the deep end… Like really… But it was fun… At least interesting enough that I forgot the time… Didn’t even know I could go already… Lol
I guess this is a post in a very long time where I talk about my day right? Lol…
Now I shall replenish my energy and let’s hope time passes as fast tmr… XD
Anneyeong~
I’m scared… Ottokae!!! 
I dot know to tweet this or fb this…. So I decided to blog this… On the mrt now… I don’t know why I’m do scared… So scared that I feel like crying…
So scared that I don’t feel like leaving the house…
So scared that I think I won’t be able to get off the mrt later…
How how how how how how how?
Why am I so scared??????
I need someone to talk to me… Get the thoughts off my mind… But who?
=s :’(
