Archive for February, 2010

tmr… mixed feelings

Posted: February 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

ya.. exams are finally over, my room is all packed… and attachment starts freaking tmr… and i gotta wake up at freaking 5.30 everyday (except some sat and sun) for 7 months straight…

haiz.. kinda looking forward to work.. and finally useful during the holidays… but still its kinda scary… cause i think standard quite high… it seems that i always got the nerves before i work.. or even before i study… hope everything goes well.. dunno if i up to it a not… worrying now

wish me all the luck!

bye

left out…

Posted: February 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

i kinda feel left out.. its irritating… got the feeling of being so alone, even if there are a lot of people around me… it seems that the more the people, the more lonely i get… i think i just crave attention… is that a good thing?

i rather be alone… like very alone… it would be better wont it? to not have an excuse to feel lonely because i will never be lonely… i guess thats why my wish to go other countries, away from family…thats why my choice of apartment… i think the smaller it is.. the less lonely i’ll feel…

its foolish.. but i really rather be alone.. i would rather disappear from the faces of earth.. wont everything be better then? since i dont think anyone would miss me.. at most… for a while.. and i’ll be forgotten again.. and everything back to normal…

Family…

Posted: February 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

so.. is family always evolving… relationship revolves around members.. but what if conflict happens? i’m not making sense… why is it always someone from the outside affecting a family’s relationship.. and there would be sides to take… i kinda dislike that..

new year is a time for reunion.. but if unhappiness still exist within the family, how can we all communicate effectively..

no wait.. how can we communicate effectively if no one is putting in the effort to try to sort things out. Would pure understanding count? will it work? is that understanding then? or is it acceptance without a choice. why do we have to take sides? Why is communication so complicated..

i really wanna go back to the past… where none of these things exists… wouldnt it be good to return to simplicity where small little things like ice cream can be happiness. Where just sitting down together for dinner is warm and happy. I kinda feel the lack of it now… its never like before… now reunion dinner is the only one i’m looking forward to… hopefully i wont be disappointed… hopefully…

on a lighter note.. I FINISHED INTERVIEW!!! it went great! and i’m very happy. at least i did the right thing by “shocking” the lecturers.. see i can be serious too!!! =D

bye

second thoughts…

Posted: February 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

maybe DID is not that bad after all… but i’m sure feeling stressed up.. expectations are too high…