Once in a while…

Posted: December 9, 2011 in Uncategorized

I guess i’ve been posting protected blog post too often… so i shall do 1 that is not protected… XD

Oh well… as usual.. ranting.. or rather.. everytime i feel like blogging, i type in the add.. wait for it to load and all.. and by the time i’m typing.. i forgot what i want to type about… so end up typing some random things first before the feel comes back.. lol.. XD

i should be sleeping now.. but i dont know.. just feel a bit angry? should i feel angry? or frustrated.. ya.. maybe frustrated.. i need the sleep but it takes up too much time.. so much time that my off day just pass in a flash.. i cant do much, cant help it but affect the fact and move on.

Is that why maybe i always get these feelings when i have to return to work after my off day? rest time is never enough.. and working according to timetable… i just hate being restricted… i know i know.. isnt it too fast for me to be saying this already.. its only 1 month…

maybe i just dont like the people i’m working with…
maybe i’m just like this because i’m not well…
maybe i’m just like this because i see too little of my family members..
maybe i’m just like this because…

but its still amazing to me to feel like this now and enjoy talking to ppl next…

then the cycle returns… a bit split personality right? so much so that sometimes i just cant keep up…

but i guess its the job that makes me want to go back studying about humans…

but what will that bring me to?

cant understand myself yet i want to understand others… i guess seeing from the third person’s perspective is still clearer…

ok.. i already dont know what i’m typing already… signal: i need to sleep now…

but then again.. i’ve been in this lapse of brainlessness recently.. i’m pretty afraid that i might turn into a bimbo.. or the kind of typical girls i hate… i starting to read again.. but then.. reading.. i’m not really thinking much.. then no one at work to discuss about humans and then human’s mind with (not that i have the energy to…) SEE! i always use this as an excuse… because i have to be on my toes for the whole day at work and thinking of how to handle customers and thinking of the possible product available etc etc i dont have the energy after work to think about cheem topics.. and slowly.. my brain deteriorates to a degree that i cant even spell deteriorates and have to use spell check (not that my spelling is great in the first place)

but.. u get my point.. the brain.. is just like a gear. When not used for too long, it will rust and stop moving… i think mine is already in the “getting rusty” stage…

maybe why this blog post started is all because of my frustration in my lack of brain activity… + no life because of work…

i think i have the personality that does not allow me to stay in a fixed environment for long. although i’m pretty much seeing different ppl everyday… it all blurs and everyone becomes the same… because once again… all that they ask IS the same…

i’m think only those hilarious conversation during break time with the group of OOC peeps keeps me sane…

I hate hypocrites, fake smiles and polite conversation… i’m in a world where everything is behind this mask of smiles.. no wonder i hate clowns… cause the smile is painted on… and all you see is that superficial smile and you’ll never know what the person is thinking about…

i’m being sadistic and waiting to be wounded by the daggers flying around… maybe when i’m in the warzone myself… then my real test begins… i’ll never know how double face i can become until i’m thrown into that situation.. and me being me.. will hate myself for it… because i already sense the beginning of that… maybe when it comes to that day… i’ll know that its time to quit…

i’ve said that i’ll leave when i learnt enough… i’ve learnt a lot already during the one month stay.. but i guess what i really want to learn… is from the people.. i guess this is what everyone call life experience…

oh well…

it boils down to taking a step at a time.. we’ll see how things goes… we’ll see we’ll see…

maybe one day when i come to hate seeing people.. i’ll know why… oh well.. time to rest and recharge.. but i seriously hope there is a pill to cure illness instantly… hope to not have the sniffles tmr…

time to sleep!

bye~

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